Yesterday, I wrote my first diary in what seems like ages. You may have seen it, it was on the rec list for quite some time.
One person commented rather high up in the thread that he noticed I hadn't been around for awhile. He was correct.
I love this place. You have no idea the things in my life that I have placed on hold to research and write the health policy diaries. You have no idea the time I have devoted to this place. You have no idea the sacrifices I have made for this place. Many of us do. That's because we care. We probably care too much.
And this is not a complaint. I am beyond honored to be recognized for the work I do.
But as I said, someone noticed that I hadn't written a diary for ages--it was more like ten days. The truth is, I haven't much felt like diary writing since the FP nomination wars. I stayed as far away from those skirmishes as a devoted Kossack junkie possibly could.
I did read quite a bit though, or at least as much as I could stomach, but I said nothing. Not. One. Word. I kind of sense that that sweepstakes marked the current downward Dkos spiral.
I took in what y'all were saying about each other--and occasionally about me. It was a new experience to be evaluated in such a public forum. To be panned by some--damn I was brought up in the spirit that if you can't say something nice, you try and button the old lip.
But that's not the way of Daily Kos. And it seems to be getting nastier with each passing day, despite mcjoan's exhortation to get along and make nice. I'm starting to read what some of you are saying about others and I'm getting more depressed by the second.
I think the new front page editors/writers are terrific. Some of you have been less generous in your critiques--they're too milquetoasty, not throwers of invective-strewn red meat. I think you're wrong, and furthermore, we have the right side, they have the left. Throw your red meat on the right side of the screen. Let them do their thing on the left.
This brings me to my next point, agendas. I happen to have an agenda, it's all about restoring fairness and a sense decency to our country. I have no illusion about my miniscule role, I simply can write an occasional diary that I hope will impact some creep in Washington to think about the dire needs of hardworking American citizens. I also have no illusion that I'm not as smart and politically sophisticated as some of the really kick-ass folk around here. You can interpret the previous sentence in any way that pleases you.
But maybe it's more important is to ask, what's your agenda?
And the next point
The criticism. It's reached a tipping point. I read somewhere that peeder has resigned. What the hell caused peeder to resign? The guy's a hero, a genius--he fixed my computer in the middle of the god damn night after the Ajax system was installed and I was in deep shit. What the hell crime did he commit--being too nice? Respondng to the emails of Kossacks in extremis in a nanosecond?
What's going on with these self-appointed (or officially appointed, God knows, I certainly don't) Kossackian high priests casting judgment on all who don't precisely live up to some unspecified and ethereal standard? It's a great feeling not to be in the inner circle--not to know what the hell is happening. But would someone tell an idiot like me, what gives?
I've been around here for awhile. They way things are going, pretty soon, my UID 21195 will seem valuable. But even an old-timer like me can no longer even begin to figure out what's "correct" and what's verboten. Who's in and who's out? I was never big on cliques in elementary school certainly not on Daily Kos.
If I cared to devote precious hours, I could probably figure out which Kossacks "matter" and those who have been relegated (by other ill-defined forces) to ignominious irrelevance. And what a damn shame that it's come to this--if in fact it has. I hope I'm wrong. But wading through all the mud is very labor intensive, time-consuming, distracting--and yes, boring.
So could someone tell the rest of us, who generally stay out of all this crap, what the hell is going on? Frankly it's become very emotionally draining and I've invested a lot of time in this cherished place. And then could we move on? There's a lot of work to do.
I wish some of you received the emails that I find in my AOL account every day. If you did, you'd stop this internecine bickering. You'd hold the feet of our servants, our public servants to the fire, until they screamed in as much pain as our fellow citizens.
Please, just some clarification for the rest of us who as a hero of mine used to say, work hard and play by the rules.